I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the depth of what you’re going through. Losing someone you love and facing heartbreak at the same time is an unimaginable weight to carry. Yet, even in your grief, your words hold so much truth and beauty.
Learning to embrace the “meaningless” days, to find peace in the quiet, is a lesson that few truly grasp. But I believe you’re right—there is significance in simply being, in continuing to show up with love and kindness, even in the midst of pain.
I was reminded of this verse as I read your words:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
Even in the stillness, even on the days that feel empty, He is near. You are seen, you are held, and you are deeply loved. Praying for comfort and strength for you in this season.
Man that's some heavy yet profound thoughts, much respect to you for verbalising things that hold such a weight in a beautiful post!
This brought to mind the French verb for 'grieving' which is 'to do one's grief'. As if it's something we do, then we move on. Expecting it to be sorted out with some compassionate leave, with sorting out your beloved's belongings, with the ceremony and of couse, with time. Feels like we're expected to tick boxes to move on, not dwelling in that grief lest we end up like those we mourn.
Grieving is not something we do. Maybe grieving in Biblical times was more aligned with what it is: being (or processing) rather than doing! Going against this grain would probably cause more frustration and sadness. We're in shambles, we feel it in our bones, we dysfunction, and that's ok.
Reading your note reminded me of "Perfect Days", for once an uneventful movie became fulfilling! Those 'Meaningless Days' seem to find meaning in the broader context of life, against the crushing monster that is productivity (ah, the "West"). Few are the characters I envied as much as I envied Mr Hirayama!
May God's kindness be laid upon you, in those ordinary and uneventful moments that end up being so precious!
(PS: I also say all of that to myself, I didn't mean to impose my thoughts on you haha, probably just needed it for myself even more✌🏼)
I love this Joël!! Thanks for sharing. Interesting to hear about the French word for it too. And I think we share a love of Perfect Days! Such an amazing movie.
Thirst for significance - I have never realised it… Thanks, Jon, for this moving words. Maybe the most meaningful things are found at the very heart of routine filled by love
Jonathan, This is SO very Beautiful and so honoring to your Mum. I can completely relate at 64 plus, with enough significant loss under my belt too. I feel your pain and grief. I don't think anything is meaningless in the light that even in your trip to get a haircut, through that barber, JESUS met you right where you were at... acknowledging and giving great weight to your pain.
I remember losing my kids dad when they were 8 and 6. He was my rock at the time and I couldn't even get a stupid hub cap off the rim to find the buried air stem.
Frustrated and tearing up a stranger came to the car and asked if he could help.
I wanted to buy him a coffee for helping us.
He looked at me square in the eyes with a smile, this man I didn't know, and said: "God's kids don't need to pay for a kindness." And after I thanked him he walked away.
In that moment I knew I was not alone.
I think that wise barber was letting you pour out...and with a simple few words, let you know it was natural to feel the way you did, even though not easy.
It takes time and many tears to heal. Sometimes my grief would dare to show up and embarrass me when I least expected it. But I made peace with its course and now, many years later the tears are more happy in the remembering than anything else.
Jonathan, it’s difficult. We all experience things uniquely, and it truly does feel like we are alone. At least I think that. At the same time others experience the same things… and so we all experience the same things.
But, oddly enough in our unique experience, I believe JESUS made seats just for two on the inside of us. That HE might share all of our journey with us, and yet connect us to others as HE waits to share it with them. HE always leaves room, an extra chair 🪑 in our hearts. Like the Inn, if we let HIM in.
Thankyou for writing this piece as it’s so helpful for people to describe the delicate balance between the emotion led grief and the restoration led grief. I always hold onto the fact that Elijah was told to just sleep at eat at first. 🙏🕊️
Thank you for sharing your story as you experience grief and loss. You put words to a feeling I’ve had but couldn’t name: “addicted to meaning.” Wow. I also struggle with the days where I can’t point to something I consider an achievement. Your thoughts on this gave me a lot to think about!
Thank you, Jonathan. Wow. What a tender, honest gift this reflection is! Like the energy it took to get your haircut, I recognize and appreciate the effort it took to share these thoughts.
I lament with you in the death of your mother.
I lament with you in the death of your father.
I lament with you in the death of life as you knew it and the uncertainty of what’s to come.
And yet, I rejoice with you in the newness of each day, rich with possibility, discovery and hope that sorrow has enabled you to perceive. I rejoice with you in the realization and confidence that 1) you are not alone and 2) you are not what you do or even what has happened to you.
God delights in redemption; somehow this too will be redeemed!
P.S. if you have not read Jerry Sittser’s book, A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss, I’d recommend it. After my own mother’s death a few years ago, this book provided language and space I didn’t know I needed, like a weighted blanket to my soul.
Like a weighted blanket for the soul… I love your words… connected a sensory feeling of a weighted blanket (a wonderful thing as I learn about how God’s made me) and the gifts he gives me through artists incl. writers painters etc who give me language for experience… I’m processing in this reply… I think what I’m coming to is that your written words gave language for experiences I’ve had of God’s presence & comfort. Thanks for sticking with my neurodivergent brain 😊
Hey Katrina! I appreciate your willingness to process and share. Know that your flavor of neuro-spiciness is welcome here! 🌻💛
Oddly enough, I’m not a fan of weighted blankets due to the sensation 🤣Nevertheless, what this book gifted me - what I refer to as the “weighted blanket for my soul” - was a sense of security, stillness and acceptance in the midst of feeling dysregulated by grief. God has certainly provided this throughout my life, but I particularly experienced it when reading Jerry Sittser’s book.
Even though I’m significantly older than you, I can really empathize with much of what you’re experiencing from what you shared in this writing. I’ve lost both of my parents at separate times, and have lost several significant relationships and friendships during my life. As someone who has been single all my life, each of these losses has had a significant impact on me, and some seasons of loss and grief. I have a sense of what you’re feeling as you try to figure out what to do with your days, as some of these losses came at times when I wasn’t working (I was a high school teacher, so had summers off). I don’t have great wisdom to share; each person has to find his own path through grief. But if I could give a couple of tips, they would be to try not to isolate yourself for too long, making sure to find time to be with others, and to be intentional with taking care of yourself, giving yourself permission to not be okay for a bit, welcoming all the feelings that come in and out of your spirit. And perhaps a third—getting back to the normal patterns and ways that you always, as an artist, express your thoughts and emotions that you feel. I’ll pray for you to feel God’s presence, comfort, and peace as you go through this season.
Thank you Doug! That's so helpful. Yeah, I'm surrounding myself with good people at the moment. I can definitely tell when the isolation becomes too much! And getting back to writing and processing through art is such a good reminder too, I've been trying to do that more. Appreciate it!
Wow. Thank you for this post. I can relate to it a lot and it made me think of my Mum who lost her parents within not even three months last year. She had to fly to Vietnam twice and missed both the moments they passed away while just before boarding the plane, which was heartbreaking.
Grief definitely comes in waves and I cannot imagine how it might feel for you or for her. I know she works a lot ever since she came back from the funerals. But she also tried to move on by taking more care of herself, by signing up to the gym for example, or you with going to get a haircut. Not because "life goes on", but because in the grief we still do things to honour or think of them. Because they said "Hey, remember to take care of yourself" or something like that.
Thanks for putting this to words — it’s crazy how something so intangible can be yet so incredibly tangible in our everyday lives. This was so well put.
Something a friend shared with me recently that has stuck: (in reference to Psalm 34:18 - God is near to the brokenhearted) “sometimes we try to shield ourselves from the feeling of brokenness, but remember that in the brokenness is the nearness of God”
It’s a weird paradox, finding nearness in aloneness, wholeness in brokenness. But we serve a God who loves to mend broken things 🤍 thanks for sharing!
It's exactly as youve described. Youre doing well enough and I am sure your parents, if they could encourage you now, would know and tell you just how much you need these seemingly meaningless moments. Shalom in your mourning brother and thank you
Sorry to hear about your loss. I appreciate your barber's response and will be praying for you as you come to mind.
I lost my mom around this time last year... I am interested in hearing more of your thoughts on navigating the world with no parents. Others may be, too. I don't hear many discussions around this (or even parents who are physically here but not actively present).
I'm sorry for your loss too! I will try and write about that more too. I suppose it's still very fresh so I won't quite know how to navigate that world for a little while. But I do know that one of the last things my Mum prayed was thanking God for being "the Father she never had". She didn't really know her own Dad but I saw it very evident in her own life how God carried her through life. I was just thinking about that this morning!
I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the depth of what you’re going through. Losing someone you love and facing heartbreak at the same time is an unimaginable weight to carry. Yet, even in your grief, your words hold so much truth and beauty.
Learning to embrace the “meaningless” days, to find peace in the quiet, is a lesson that few truly grasp. But I believe you’re right—there is significance in simply being, in continuing to show up with love and kindness, even in the midst of pain.
I was reminded of this verse as I read your words:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
Even in the stillness, even on the days that feel empty, He is near. You are seen, you are held, and you are deeply loved. Praying for comfort and strength for you in this season.
❤️🩹
Gigi
Thank you Gigi! I've been holding onto that verse as well.
Needed this
Man that's some heavy yet profound thoughts, much respect to you for verbalising things that hold such a weight in a beautiful post!
This brought to mind the French verb for 'grieving' which is 'to do one's grief'. As if it's something we do, then we move on. Expecting it to be sorted out with some compassionate leave, with sorting out your beloved's belongings, with the ceremony and of couse, with time. Feels like we're expected to tick boxes to move on, not dwelling in that grief lest we end up like those we mourn.
Grieving is not something we do. Maybe grieving in Biblical times was more aligned with what it is: being (or processing) rather than doing! Going against this grain would probably cause more frustration and sadness. We're in shambles, we feel it in our bones, we dysfunction, and that's ok.
Reading your note reminded me of "Perfect Days", for once an uneventful movie became fulfilling! Those 'Meaningless Days' seem to find meaning in the broader context of life, against the crushing monster that is productivity (ah, the "West"). Few are the characters I envied as much as I envied Mr Hirayama!
May God's kindness be laid upon you, in those ordinary and uneventful moments that end up being so precious!
(PS: I also say all of that to myself, I didn't mean to impose my thoughts on you haha, probably just needed it for myself even more✌🏼)
I love this Joël!! Thanks for sharing. Interesting to hear about the French word for it too. And I think we share a love of Perfect Days! Such an amazing movie.
Thirst for significance - I have never realised it… Thanks, Jon, for this moving words. Maybe the most meaningful things are found at the very heart of routine filled by love
Jonathan, This is SO very Beautiful and so honoring to your Mum. I can completely relate at 64 plus, with enough significant loss under my belt too. I feel your pain and grief. I don't think anything is meaningless in the light that even in your trip to get a haircut, through that barber, JESUS met you right where you were at... acknowledging and giving great weight to your pain.
I remember losing my kids dad when they were 8 and 6. He was my rock at the time and I couldn't even get a stupid hub cap off the rim to find the buried air stem.
Frustrated and tearing up a stranger came to the car and asked if he could help.
I wanted to buy him a coffee for helping us.
He looked at me square in the eyes with a smile, this man I didn't know, and said: "God's kids don't need to pay for a kindness." And after I thanked him he walked away.
In that moment I knew I was not alone.
I think that wise barber was letting you pour out...and with a simple few words, let you know it was natural to feel the way you did, even though not easy.
It takes time and many tears to heal. Sometimes my grief would dare to show up and embarrass me when I least expected it. But I made peace with its course and now, many years later the tears are more happy in the remembering than anything else.
You will get there, my friend.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
Praying 🙏
RIVER
That's so true! God often sends reminders that we're not alone. Thank you for sharing some of your story too!
Jonathan, it’s difficult. We all experience things uniquely, and it truly does feel like we are alone. At least I think that. At the same time others experience the same things… and so we all experience the same things.
But, oddly enough in our unique experience, I believe JESUS made seats just for two on the inside of us. That HE might share all of our journey with us, and yet connect us to others as HE waits to share it with them. HE always leaves room, an extra chair 🪑 in our hearts. Like the Inn, if we let HIM in.
Your writing is so beautiful!
Please keep writing.
You touch SO many and will!
Thankyou for writing this piece as it’s so helpful for people to describe the delicate balance between the emotion led grief and the restoration led grief. I always hold onto the fact that Elijah was told to just sleep at eat at first. 🙏🕊️
Thank you for sharing your story as you experience grief and loss. You put words to a feeling I’ve had but couldn’t name: “addicted to meaning.” Wow. I also struggle with the days where I can’t point to something I consider an achievement. Your thoughts on this gave me a lot to think about!
Thank you, Jonathan. Wow. What a tender, honest gift this reflection is! Like the energy it took to get your haircut, I recognize and appreciate the effort it took to share these thoughts.
I lament with you in the death of your mother.
I lament with you in the death of your father.
I lament with you in the death of life as you knew it and the uncertainty of what’s to come.
And yet, I rejoice with you in the newness of each day, rich with possibility, discovery and hope that sorrow has enabled you to perceive. I rejoice with you in the realization and confidence that 1) you are not alone and 2) you are not what you do or even what has happened to you.
God delights in redemption; somehow this too will be redeemed!
P.S. if you have not read Jerry Sittser’s book, A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss, I’d recommend it. After my own mother’s death a few years ago, this book provided language and space I didn’t know I needed, like a weighted blanket to my soul.
Thanks again for sharing!
Like a weighted blanket for the soul… I love your words… connected a sensory feeling of a weighted blanket (a wonderful thing as I learn about how God’s made me) and the gifts he gives me through artists incl. writers painters etc who give me language for experience… I’m processing in this reply… I think what I’m coming to is that your written words gave language for experiences I’ve had of God’s presence & comfort. Thanks for sticking with my neurodivergent brain 😊
Hey Katrina! I appreciate your willingness to process and share. Know that your flavor of neuro-spiciness is welcome here! 🌻💛
Oddly enough, I’m not a fan of weighted blankets due to the sensation 🤣Nevertheless, what this book gifted me - what I refer to as the “weighted blanket for my soul” - was a sense of security, stillness and acceptance in the midst of feeling dysregulated by grief. God has certainly provided this throughout my life, but I particularly experienced it when reading Jerry Sittser’s book.
Even though I’m significantly older than you, I can really empathize with much of what you’re experiencing from what you shared in this writing. I’ve lost both of my parents at separate times, and have lost several significant relationships and friendships during my life. As someone who has been single all my life, each of these losses has had a significant impact on me, and some seasons of loss and grief. I have a sense of what you’re feeling as you try to figure out what to do with your days, as some of these losses came at times when I wasn’t working (I was a high school teacher, so had summers off). I don’t have great wisdom to share; each person has to find his own path through grief. But if I could give a couple of tips, they would be to try not to isolate yourself for too long, making sure to find time to be with others, and to be intentional with taking care of yourself, giving yourself permission to not be okay for a bit, welcoming all the feelings that come in and out of your spirit. And perhaps a third—getting back to the normal patterns and ways that you always, as an artist, express your thoughts and emotions that you feel. I’ll pray for you to feel God’s presence, comfort, and peace as you go through this season.
Thank you Doug! That's so helpful. Yeah, I'm surrounding myself with good people at the moment. I can definitely tell when the isolation becomes too much! And getting back to writing and processing through art is such a good reminder too, I've been trying to do that more. Appreciate it!
Wow. Thank you for this post. I can relate to it a lot and it made me think of my Mum who lost her parents within not even three months last year. She had to fly to Vietnam twice and missed both the moments they passed away while just before boarding the plane, which was heartbreaking.
Grief definitely comes in waves and I cannot imagine how it might feel for you or for her. I know she works a lot ever since she came back from the funerals. But she also tried to move on by taking more care of herself, by signing up to the gym for example, or you with going to get a haircut. Not because "life goes on", but because in the grief we still do things to honour or think of them. Because they said "Hey, remember to take care of yourself" or something like that.
I do needed this thank you Jonathan! It's ok not to be ok! And God understand us! Embrace the boring days for when you don't want to do anything!
Thanks for putting this to words — it’s crazy how something so intangible can be yet so incredibly tangible in our everyday lives. This was so well put.
Something a friend shared with me recently that has stuck: (in reference to Psalm 34:18 - God is near to the brokenhearted) “sometimes we try to shield ourselves from the feeling of brokenness, but remember that in the brokenness is the nearness of God”
It’s a weird paradox, finding nearness in aloneness, wholeness in brokenness. But we serve a God who loves to mend broken things 🤍 thanks for sharing!
It's exactly as youve described. Youre doing well enough and I am sure your parents, if they could encourage you now, would know and tell you just how much you need these seemingly meaningless moments. Shalom in your mourning brother and thank you
Sorry to hear about your loss. I appreciate your barber's response and will be praying for you as you come to mind.
I lost my mom around this time last year... I am interested in hearing more of your thoughts on navigating the world with no parents. Others may be, too. I don't hear many discussions around this (or even parents who are physically here but not actively present).
I'm sorry for your loss too! I will try and write about that more too. I suppose it's still very fresh so I won't quite know how to navigate that world for a little while. But I do know that one of the last things my Mum prayed was thanking God for being "the Father she never had". She didn't really know her own Dad but I saw it very evident in her own life how God carried her through life. I was just thinking about that this morning!
Your mom's prayer made my heart smile ❤️. Thank you for being willing to share.
💔
I’m so sorry for your loss Jonathan, thank you for sharing this. Very moving.🙏🏽